Sometimes we choose to be stupid because it’s the easiest way to ignore the fact that we live in a state of bowel-evacuating fear.
We live in an age of disruptive innovation. The only way to survive the long game is to disrupt ourselves before we get disrupted – to take risks that will take away what we’ve got and replace it with something better. But we don’t do it because we’re scared, and since evacuating your bowels is embarrassing, we act stupid instead. Read more
We’re supposed to be authentic, right?
I thought I was being authentic at the New Year’s Eve party, but the next day, my wife told me that I was being a prick. Not in those words. She said something like “you were really on one last night” which I think means “you were being a prick.”
When I say that I was being my authentic self, I don’t mean that I was being my alcoholic self. I had one glass of champagne at midnight, but that was it. Read more
It’s almost 2014, and it’s time to set some goals. Some people hate the goal-setting process because they think it’s BS. And a lot of times, it is BS. It’s BS because the result is inauthentic.
If your goals aren’t visceral – if they’re not authentic – they’re impotent. People with impotent goals are suffering from what doctors call Goal Disfunction (GD). To firm up your goals, you need Goal Viagra: Goalvitra. Read more
I tweet jokes. It says that right on my Twitter profile.
So on October 10, I noticed the headline “Why Accountants Must Focus More on Fraud,” and at 10:25 EDT, I composed the following brilliantly hilarious tweet:
I know. Go change your pants.
In exactly two minutes, a fellow CPA sent me this reply: Read more
Not sure if you knew it, but you can hire a company to kidnap you. It’s called Videogames Adventure Services (“VAS”), but they don’t sell videogames. They kidnap you.
Here’s how it works. You pay them a metric butt ton of money, sign ten kiloturds of legal documents, pass an invasive medical prostate exam, and then you get kidnapped. You and the company design the broad parameters of your kidnapping, including a predetermined kidnapping window (usually six weeks long) that begins as soon as you lift the pen from the last legal document.
A couple months ago I was working on a joke about Bitcoin and other virtual currencies. The punchline needed an extremely devalued, exotic currency. So I googled “devalued currency,” and that’s when I found out that dongs are the currency of Vietnam.
Disclaimer: If you Google “Vietnamese Dong,” you will see questionable websites with banners that say things like, “In a Down Market, the Dong Stays Up” and “Dong Talk.” Search results also include various graphic images like the following: Read more